You did what they said. But you’re still single?

Earlier this month Chris Hatch posted on X saying he’s surrounded by young women who were “smart, capable, hard working and cute” and then came the line that hit a nerve: “nobody’s dating them….”

His post received 23 million views because everyone knows her. She’s their sister, daughter or friend. Many of you are her.

She loves Christ. She’s that Proverbs 31 woman with the Midas touch. She did what the pastor said and worked on herself because the books promised it would lead to a godly man. And now she’s 29, or 34, or 41, wondering what she did wrong.

Keyboard warriors (and they’re a dime a dozen!) have an answer ready for her: she’s too picky, too focused on her career or too shallow. Her church has a softer version: just wait on God - His timing is perfect.

I want to offer a different take. The problem is real, and it’s mostly not her - and not her doing. What if dating culture is making it harder to find a husband, and the church is doing almost nothing to help (or equip) her in any practical way?

We hardly discuss numbers in Christian circles, but that’s a good place to start.

In a 2019 analysis for the Institute for Family Studies, demographer Lyman Stone looked at unmarried Christians. His analysis found that unmarried women outnumbered unmarried men across every major Christian group. For every 100 eligible, devout women, there were 85 eligible men (and the number in my estimate is even lower).

Even if all 85 of those men found a match, 15 women would still be single. Their prayer life (or lack thereof) didn’t cause that. Neither did their pride and prejudice. It’s pure math. The only way to close the gap is to either add more devout men to the pool or take a few single women out.

Gallup reports that 42% of men aged 18 to 29 now call religion “very important” in their lives, up from 28% just a couple of years earlier. That’s a hopeful change because church is still the best place to meet an equally yoked spouse. But simply attending Sunday services shouldn’t be your only strategy… your congregation is still a small dating pool.

The dating world itself has changed from the 80s/90s. The Institute for Family Studies calls it a dating recession.

In its 2026 report, 74% of single women and 64% of single men aged 22 to 35 reportedly said they hadn’t dated at all, or had dated only a few times, in the past year.

A woman who hasn’t been asked out in months might assume she’s not wanted. But what if the man who should have asked her out hasn’t asked ANYONE out in months?

We’re living in a season where people have quietly stopped asking anyone out and are so accustomed to living through screens that a face-to-face conversation feels strangely intimidating.

Dating apps are no help either - they offer the illusion of endless options. We keep swiping, hoping to find someone more attractive, more successful, more exciting. We enjoy the process of discovering our “dream” match: looking at pictures, reading profiles, researching, initiating contact - and waiting.

We are on the hamster wheel - running and running, and going nowhere.

Many of us grew up hearing the same phrases. “Just wait on the Lord.” “When you stop looking, it’ll happen.” “A godly man will find you.”

Each holds some truth, but together they’ve produced a culture where women were told not to take the lead and men were never really taught how to. Women waited for men, and men were found wanting. Everyone was praying, waiting and nobody was asking.

Back in the day, marriage was a community project. Parents, aunts, pastors and family friends knew who was single and made introductions, sometimes too eagerly. Then we moved to new cities, joined churches where nobody knew our families, and the introductions stopped. We were left to fend for ourselves, and we froze.

Most Christian men are struggling, too. You’ve been told you’re not enough, that women only want someone taller, richer and better-looking. You’ve watched friends get rejected. Maybe you’ve been rejected yourself and decided staying quiet was the safer option.

Too many Christian men are becoming bitter instead of better. They’re not growing up into husband material. Some are so heavenly-minded they’re no earthly good. (note - wearing Ephesians 6 armor doesn’t make you a ‘knight in shining armor’ to a possible match - it’s for the enemy. Don’t wear it just to impress her.)

But I’d like you to consider this: the woman in the back row at church really isn’t waiting for a perfect man. Honestly, if you’re respectful, honest, and willing to take the risk of making the first move, you might surprise yourself. And btw the numbers suggest the odds are stacked in your favor.

Way too many ‘Christian’ men have picked up the secular habit of dating with zero intention of marriage. They want the company without the commitment. Men, the Bible puts it simply: “He who finds a wife (not a partner, not a girlfriend) finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22).

If you’re a faithful, single woman reading this, here’s where I’d start:

You can examine yourself honestly without turning every ‘room for improvement’ into an accusation against yourself.

Maybe there are things you could improve - we all have them. It could be your communication skills, health, or fitness. Definitely work on them because they’ll help you feel healthier and better about yourself.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life”. If we aren’t willing to do the work, that could a big reason our hope of marriage keeps getting deferred.

BUT - don’t ever think of it as repairing yourself to make yourself worthy of love.

And put the rest in God’s hands. If the waiting has worn you down, take it to the Lord in prayer. He who can move mountains is your best hope. And then keep living a full life - you don’t have to hit pause on anything whatsoever.

Keep the non-negotiables. Faith matters, and so do good character and a shared vision for building a godly home. Don’t throw those away because you’re tired of waiting.

Good men exist in churches across town, in other cities and in other communities - so look beyond your congregation and your city. And take a hard look at the preferences (the nice-to-haves which have somehow evolved into deal breakers). They may be, just may be, shrinking your options.

Tell people you’re open to an introduction. It sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people close to you assume you don’t need any help.

Tell a couple of trusted friends, a married couple you respect, or your pastor/mentor at church. Be specific about what matters to you. The people who know you may have connections you’re not aware of - they may know a man from another congregation, or have friends in another city who are also looking for a spouse.

Many women are quick to reject good matches - sometimes within seconds - on gut feel, or on something they’ve heard, seen or read. You do have every right to say no when there’s zero attraction or when you spot red flags or when your instincts tell you something isn’t safe.

But when someone introduces you to a man they think might be a good fit, consider giving him a few minutes.

You don’t owe anyone a coffee date. But don’t dismiss a potentially good man before giving yourself a chance to get to know him - even a quick call can show you if he’s a good fit.

This is exactly why we started Matrimony Station and The Equally Yoked newsletter They’re built for Christians who are serious about marriage and tired of searching, swiping and waiting.

If you’re looking to talk to someone about the exact kind of match you’re looking for, book your free 30-minute session here

With you, The Equally Yoked Team

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