This is a real conversation from a Christian dating app.
Not satire. Not a parody.
A real man. Saying this. Out loud.
And before you think, Surely this is an outlier, let me tell you what happened this week.
I spoke to a Christian mom who said something that felt almost… un-Christian.
“I just want a normie for my daughter. Not a holier-than-thou type.”
She told me about a conversation her daughter had with a potential match. In the first few minutes of their very first phone call—before they’d even warmed up—the guy asked:
“How many times do you pray in a day?”
“How often do you read your Bible?”
No small talk.
No curiosity about her life.
Just a spiritual audit.
Her daughter hung up thinking, I don’t want a ‘Christian.’ I just want someone normal.
The very next day, my nephew—who just got married—told me something interesting. Two elderly relatives had called to congratulate him and pray, and they gave him the same advice:
“Go out with your wife.
Do normal things.
Don’t bury yourself under the Bible all the time.”
Which is funny, because he’s not one of those “Bible-thumping” types anyway. He’s just a regular guy—plays drums, loves soccer, and enjoys going out with friends.
And that’s when it clicked.
This isn’t about being less Christian.
It’s about being more human.
Kind. Secure. Funny. Real.
Just Normal
You wouldn’t think Christian men are jerks—but Reddit, Quora, and Facebook groups tell a different story. Thread after thread, Christian women share their shock, fear, and exhaustion. And inevitably, others jump in saying, “Not all Christian men are like this.” “This isn’t real Christianity.”
Both can be true.
There are men who claim to follow Christ—and yet are toxic, intense, and controlling. They poison the well and ruin dating not just for themselves, but for everyone else.
And the worst part?
They drag Christ and Scripture through the mud.
Our Lord said in John 8:36, “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
But these so-called Christian men make Christianity feel like slavery. Like house arrest. Dripping with control, submission, and rules. Not freedom.
No wonder women are cautious.
No wonder some avoid “Christian men” altogether.
You can’t blame them for feeling safer with secular men than with men who quote verses but don’t live them.
Let’s start where Scripture actually starts:
Before Apostle Paul.
Before marriage roles.
Before the Fall.
In Genesis, God never said, “It is not good for man to have no one to rule over, so let us make him a submissive woman.”
No.
Man was already given dominion—
over the birds of the air,
the fish of the sea,
the beasts of the earth.
But not over women.
The Hebrew phrase used for “suitable helper” is ezer kenegdo.
And this matters, because “ezer” is the same word used for God when He comes to Israel’s help and rescue.
That’s not a servant word.
That’s a strength word.
So Eve wasn’t made to be Adam’s maid, his slave, or his doormat.
She was created to strengthen him—to partner with him, challenge him, help him become a better man.
The battle of the sexes—the struggle for control and dominance—wasn’t designed by God. It only shows up after sin enters the world.
“He will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16) isn’t God’s blueprint for marriage.
It’s the wreckage sin left behind.
The mirror nobody wants to look into
Before blaming the world.
Before blaming feminism.
Before blaming TikTok or Hollywood.
Christian men—especially the Scripture-wielding ones—need to look in the mirror.
We who talk endlessly about being Christlike.
We who preach servant leadership at work.
We who proudly “turn the other cheek” in public.
Why don’t we model those same qualities at home?
Why don’t we live the Scriptures we quote so eloquently… in our own living rooms?
Why do we weaponize Ephesians 5 and spiritualize our need for control?
Yes, the Word of God is called the sword of the Spirit—
but it was meant to be used against the devil, not your wife.
And why—if we’re being honest—are we pushing our women away from Christ and straight into the arms of the world?
We are not fighting feminism,
We are fueling it.
Women aren’t the only ones born with a rebellious streak. Men have it too.
So maybe it’s time we stop preaching at her.
Let her read Scripture.
Let her wrestle with it.
Let her choose obedience for herself.
Someone in the thread said something that deserves to be printed on a T-shirt:
“A woman doesn’t fear submission to a godly man.
She fears submission to a man who doesn’t submit to God.”
Mic. Drop.
So what should we do?
Someone mentioned a sobering stat::
“By 2030, Nearly 50% of women aged 25–45 will remain single by choice.”
Not because they hate men.
Not because they hate marriage.
Not because they hate God.
But because… men.
Most “independent” women never wanted to be that way.
They didn’t choose independence out of rebellion or some feminist agenda.
They learned it as a survival skill.
So as Christian men, let’s stop talking and start living.
Don’t be Andrew-Tate-like.
Be Christlike.
A good leader doesn’t increase anxiety.
He reduces it.
A good leader doesn’t shrink people to feel big.
He empowers them.
A good leader doesn’t demand submission.
He inspires people to follow.
Our Lord never walked around asking, “Are you submissive?”
He—though being God—took the form of a servant
and laid down His life for His own.
That’s leadership.
That’s real masculinity.
So no, the most attractive Christian man isn’t loud, dominant, or intense with a head full of Bible verses.
He’s the normie.
The guy who can make her laugh.
Help her relax.
Make her feel safe.
Let her be herself.
He loves her the way Christ loves her.
Whether you’re a man or a woman, this conversation matters. Join The Equally Yoked for a weekly, grace-filled look at what’s going wrong in Christian dating, and how to get it right.
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