Dating used to be simple.
You met someone. You talked. You laughed. You tried not to spill coffee on yourself. And somehow, life went on.
But somewhere between the rise of Instagram and TikTok and the fall of our collective sanity, something shifted.
Now? Dating has become branding. A business decision.
It’s less “Do we like each other?” and more “Will being seen with you help me increase my follower count?”
USA Today just gave this latest romance disaster a name: throning—dating someone for social status.
Not for love.
Not for character.
Not even for shared values.
Just optics.
One TikToker put it this way:
“The date is a throne. You’re elevating yourself by sitting on someone impressive.”
Let that sink in for a second. If they’re rich enough, famous enough, followed enough, symmetrical enough — then dating them boosts your brand.
You’re not dating a person.
You’re dating a platform. A step stool.
And yes, that sounds unhinged. But it’s also exactly how social media has been grooming us for over a decade.
❤️ When Romance Became a Power Move
Here’s the thing: throning isn’t exactly new.
We’ve always had people chasing money, popularity, status.
We used to call it gold digging.
But now the pursuit has 5G, Wi-Fi, and the apps.
TikTok and Instagram have spent years convincing an entire generation that without likes, comments, and shares, you don’t have a pulse.
And it’s working.
Dating coaches are sounding the alarm:
“People aren’t just curating content anymore. They’re curating relationships.”
The relationship isn’t the priority.
The presentation of the relationship is.
No wonder we’re exhausted. We’re dating with an eye on the analytics dashboard — asking questions like:
- How does this person make me look?
- Will this relationship help me grow?
This is how marketing directors think — not people seeking a “happily ever after.”
But underneath the filters, the captions, the carefully curated couple photos sits a quiet, shaky fear: “Will anyone ever love me for me?”
Why Throning & Scripture Can’t Co-exist
That question - Will anyone love me for me? - is the heart of it. And it’s exactly why we need to shift lenses.
Not the Pinterest-Christian lens.
Not the “coffee mug verse” lens.
But the raw, biblical one.
Because throning is fundamentally incompatible with biblical love.
Here’s why.
1. Throning is self-seeking. Biblical love is self-giving.
Paul says: “Love does not seek its own.” — 1 Corinthians 13:5
Throning, on the contrary, is seeking your own advantage.
It’s relationship-as-self-promotion — the exact opposite of sacrificial love.
You’re not choosing someone to love, cherish, and serve.
You’re choosing someone who makes you look shinier.
2. Throning reduces image-bearers to props.
When you date someone for clout, you reduce a living soul — made in God’s image — to a useful accessory.
A billboard.
A promotional tool.
That’s not love. That’s exploitation.
3. Throning builds relationships on sand.
Relationships built on aesthetics, followers, fame or public validation are like houses built on sand. And when the storms come — and they will — the house comes crashing down.
How Not To Become an Algorithm Slave.
Let’s be honest: we’re not dating in a bubble.
We are dating inside the machine — inside the digital colosseum.
We’re on Instagram.
We’re on TikTok.
We’re swimming in algorithms designed to shape our minds.
So the real question isn’t “Should I delete all my apps?”
It’s “How do I date in this culture without letting the culture mold and shape me?”
Here’s how:
1. Guard your motives.
Before you say yes to that date - pause.
Ask yourself:
“Why am I drawn to this person?”
“Is it character — or clout?”
“Am I listening to God’s voice — or my ego’s TED talk?”
Your motives matter more than your match.
2. Look deeper than social currency.
Followers change.
Beauty fades.
Trends evaporate.
But kindness?
humility?
Christ-likeness?
They grow richer with time. They age like fine wine.
If you’re choosing someone based on how they look in your feed, you are busy building a sandcastle.
3. Don’t date a hypocrite
Dual behavior is a classic throning symptom.
Affectionate in public.. on camera.
But indifferent in private.
If someone only loves you when there’s an audience?
Run.
4. Root your worth in Christ, not clout.
When your identity is anchored in Christ:
Status cannot seduce you.
Validation cannot control you.
And no one can climb over you to boost their brand.
You are a child of God—and in Christ, you are more valuable than the whole world. You don’t need a relationship to prove ‘you’re worth it’.
The Gospel Alternative to Throning
The world says:
Find someone who elevates your image.
The Word says:
Find someone equally yoked — someone who submits to Christ with you.
Throning is all about ascent—climbing higher, chasing applause, collecting followers.
Biblical love is all about descent—humbling yourself, serving each other, building families that last.
One is a performance. The other is partnership.
So if you’re dating right now, hear this:
You were not created to be someone’s trophy.
You are not a stepping stone.
You are not a brand upgrade.
And the right person won’t throne you and won’t get throned by you.
They’ll simply love you for you.
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