If you’ve been online lately, you’ve probably seen the word looksmaxxing.

For the uninitiated: it’s the internet’s term for optimizing your physical appearance to the highest possible level.

We’re talking: skincare and workout routines with military precision, jawline analysis, “glow-up” content, and endless advice on becoming more attractive.

In short: become the best-looking version of yourself. To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with grooming, fitness, or taking care of yourself. But there’s a point where self-improvement slowly becomes self-worship.

When Samuel was choosing Israel’s next king, he naturally looked at the physically impressive options first.

God corrected him: “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

That verse has aged incredibly well, because thousands of years later, we’re still stuck in the same mindset. Judge the face. Measure the body. Assume character from aesthetics. We’re victims and perpetrators of the pretty privilege syndrome.

Beauty can open a door but cannot (and will not) carry a relationship.

Abs, symmetry, and style are all great things to develop. But Patience? Kindness? Faithfulness? These are the traits that survive conflict, stress, boredom, disappointment… and real life.

Apostle Peter puts it like this: “Do not let your adorning be external… but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.” (1 Peter 3:3–4)

Translation: yes the external matters, but the internal matters more.

By all means: get healthy, dress well, take care of yourself, build confidence… But don’t stop at face care when your soul needs work.

Try:
- kindness-maxxing
- peace-maxxing
- wisdom-maxxing
- fruit-of-the-Spirit maxxing

Sure, even the right person may initially notice what you look like on the outside. But they’ll stay (or leave) because of who you are on the inside.

Many of us navigating the search for “the one” are handed the steering wheel with no GPS, no training, and no instruction manual on how to do it right. Even well-meaning parents, pastors, or friends have no clue how apps work or how technology has flipped dating in just one generation.

The reason many singles are still single isn’t a problem of scarcity - it’s the problem of “water, water, everywhere, not a drop drink.”

Too many profiles. Too many dead-end chats. Too much second-guessing on every connection. And then that thought: “What if someone better is just a few swipes away?”
So we keep swiping, keep talking, keep everything open.. like the 47 tabs on our laptops.

Your brain hits overload.

When exhausted, it defaults to the safe non-decision: “Maybe later,” or “I need more time.” This isn’t thoughtful discernment. A lot of times, it’s just putting things off. Call it what it is: procrastination. You’re just kicking the can a few more yards down the road.

And in the one area of life where time is truly irreplaceable (i.e. building a marriage), procrastination costs dearly. The longer you wait, the older you get. And the older you get, your choices don’t expand, they narrow.

Here’s the catch: every time you say “let me think about it” or “not my type,” you’re closing the door on real connections. You keep someone on standby for a while, and by the time you circle back, they’ve moved on / lost interest..

Many stay single because apps keep us stuck on this hamster wheel of endless options - and we don’t know how to get off of it.

Here are a few practical ways to break the cycle:of dating fatigue.

We live in a world of reality TV and doom-scrolling. Swiping is our daily dopamine hit. We all want to see pretty faces, read about them and somehow expect they should like us too.

Research confirms it: Most women show interest in a narrow slice of the most attractive men. Those men have plenty of options and choose selectively, leaving many women disappointed and unwilling to “settle” for less.

So they prefer to wait it out.

If you put a real price tag on those wasted years, the math changes fast. I recently spoke to a 44-year-old who admitted she rejected perfectly good ones in her 20s because she ‘deserved better.’ And funnily enough, she still does.

Too many stay single because their “must-haves” shift with every new person. What’s a nice-to-have today becomes a dealbreaker tomorrow.

Make a short, fixed list of your big rocks (e.g., born-again believer, 6-figure career, lives in the Netherlands, and whatever truly matters).

And stick to it. Don’t let “vibes” override this fixed list.

If someone meets your core essentials, commit to never rejecting without at least a few texts or a call.

If you’re hiring a co-founder, you’d qualify carefully upfront. Do the same here. When someone meets your core essentials on your list, text, talk on the phone, confirm they’re worth meeting. Once you meet, keep qualifying against the same list.

Three solid exchanges or one intentional meetup → make a decision.

The moment it’s clear they’re not a fit? Don’t drag it out, don’t second-guess your gut, don’t hope they’ll “grow into it.” Reject quickly and move on. Indecision isn’t spiritual discernment, and time isn’t your friend.

You don’t get out of dating fatigue by thinking more. You get out by deciding.

Decide your time is worth a lot. Don’t waste it on doom-scrolling. Kill notifications. Set aside focused time for dating.If it’s within your reach, have someone to help you narrow things down to matches that tick your must-haves.

Decide your non-negotiables in advance. And don’t shift goalposts. This will help you avoid “shoulda, coulda” regrets.

Decide fast - your brain hates limbo. Don’t sit in the middle. Clear “no” if they miss must-haves; clear “yes”and a quick follow-up if they tick those boxes.

The singles who find their person quickly aren’t the luckiest - they’re the ones who decide and move fast instead of drifting.

Be that one.