In today’s email:
Throning: The Dating Trend That’s Ruining Love
7 Things I wish Someone Told Me Before I Got Married 💍
Throning: The Dating Trend That’s Ruining Love
Dating used to be simple.
You met someone. You talked. You laughed. You tried not to spill coffee on yourself. And somehow, life went on.
But somewhere between the rise of Instagram and TikTok and the fall of our collective sanity, something shifted.
Now? Dating has become branding. A business decision.
It’s less “Do we like each other?” and more “Will being seen with you help me increase my follower count?”
USA Today just gave this latest romance disaster a name: throning—dating someone for social status.
Not for love.
Not for character.
Not even for shared values.
Just optics.
One TikToker put it this way: “The date is a throne. You’re elevating yourself by sitting on someone impressive.”
Let that sink in for a second. If they’re rich enough, famous enough, followed enough, symmetrical enough — then dating them boosts your brand.
You’re not dating a person.
You’re dating a platform. A step stool.
And yes, that sounds unhinged. But it’s also exactly how social media has been grooming us for over a decade.
❤️ When Romance Became a Power Move
Here’s the thing: throning isn’t exactly new.
We’ve always had people chasing money, popularity, status.
We used to call it gold digging.
But now the pursuit has 5G, Wi-Fi, and the apps.
TikTok and Instagram have spent years convincing an entire generation that without likes, comments, and shares, you don’t have a pulse.
And it’s working.
Dating coaches are sounding the alarm:“People aren’t just curating content anymore. They’re curating relationships.”
The relationship isn’t the priority.
The presentation of the relationship is.
No wonder we’re exhausted. We’re dating with an eye on the analytics dashboard — asking questions like:
- How does this person make me look?
- Will this relationship help me grow?
This is how marketing directors think — not people seeking a “happily ever after.”
But underneath the filters, the captions, the carefully curated couple photos sits a quiet, shaky fear: “Will anyone ever love me for me?”
Why Throning & Scripture Can’t Co-exist
That question - Will anyone love me for me? - is the heart of it. And it’s exactly why we need to shift lenses.
Not the Pinterest-Christian lens.
Not the “coffee mug verse” lens.
But the raw, biblical one.
Because throning is fundamentally incompatible with biblical love.
Here’s why.
1. Throning is self-seeking. Biblical love is self-giving.
Paul says: “Love does not seek its own.” — 1 Corinthians 13:5
Throning, on the contrary, is seeking your own advantage.
It’s relationship-as-self-promotion — the exact opposite of sacrificial love.
You’re not choosing someone to love, cherish, and serve.
You’re choosing someone who makes you look shinier.
2. Throning reduces image-bearers to props.
When you date someone for clout, you reduce a living soul — made in God’s image — to a useful accessory.
A billboard.
A promotional tool.
That’s not love. That’s exploitation.
3. Throning builds relationships on sand.
Relationships built on aesthetics, followers, fame or public validation are like houses built on sand. And when the storms come — and they will — the house comes crashing down.
How Not To Become an Algorithm Slave.
Let’s be honest: we’re not dating in a bubble.
We are dating inside the machine — inside the digital colosseum.
We’re on Instagram.
We’re on TikTok.
We’re swimming in algorithms designed to shape our minds.
So the real question isn’t “Should I delete all my apps?”
It’s “How do I date in this culture without letting the culture mold and shape me?”
Here’s how:
1. Guard your motives.
Before you say yes to that date - pause.
Ask yourself:
“Why am I drawn to this person?”
“Is it character — or clout?”
“Am I listening to God’s voice — or my ego’s TED talk?”
Your motives matter more than your match.
2. Look deeper than social currency.
Followers change.
Beauty fades.
Trends evaporate.
But kindness?
humility?
Christ-likeness?
They grow richer with time. They age like fine wine.
If you’re choosing someone based on how they look in your feed, you are busy building a sandcastle.
3. Don’t date a hypocrite
Dual behavior is a classic throning symptom.
Affectionate in public.. on camera.
But indifferent in private.
If someone only loves you when there’s an audience?
Run.
4. Root your worth in Christ, not clout.
When your identity is anchored in Christ:
Status cannot seduce you.
Validation cannot control you.
And no one can climb over you to boost their brand.
You are a child of God—and in Christ, you are more valuable than the whole world. You don’t need a relationship to prove ‘you’re worth it’.
The Gospel Alternative to Throning
The world says:
Find someone who elevates your image.
The Word says:
Find someone equally yoked — someone who submits to Christ with you.
Throning is all about ascent—climbing higher, chasing applause, collecting followers.
Biblical love is all about descent—humbling yourself, serving each other, building families that last.
One is a performance. The other is partnership.
So if you’re dating right now, hear this:
You were not created to be someone’s trophy.
You are not a stepping stone.
You are not a brand upgrade.
And the right person won’t throne you and won’t get throned by you.
They’ll simply love you for you.
🎧 Audio Episode of Last Week’s Cover Article. Click below 👇
7 Things I wish Someone Told Me Before I Got Married.
1. Choose Wisely
The most important earthly decision you will ever make is the person you marry.
If you marry the wrong person, your life will never be the same again.
Choose a believer — not a church-attender, not a so-called “Christian,” but a genuine believer: someone who’s saved, loves Christ, honors Christ, and is heaven-bound.
Don’t even think about marrying an unbeliever. Paul asks the most basic, common-sense question: “How can light live with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14)
Also choose someone who builds — not someone who tears down her own house (Proverbs 14:1). Choose someone who strengthens your God-given purpose — not someone who drives you to the corner of the rooftop (Proverbs 21:9).
2. Choose to Love
Here’s something nobody tells you:
You don’t “fall into” love.
You choose love.
Love is a decision — a deliberate, daily choice to love your wife, no matter what.
You choose to love her selflessly, with zero expectations of reciprocation.
You choose not to keep a scoreboard of her mistakes.
You choose to serve her cheerfully — asking what you can do for her, not what she can do for you.
You choose to love your wife the way God wants you to (1 Cor 13).
A loved wife = a happy wife.
A happy wife = a happy life.
3. Communicate
Some people talk constantly without realizing they’re talking at someone and not actually connecting.
Communicating is hard.
It’s a two-way street.
You must actively remove blockages to keep the lines open.
Pride? Remove it.
Silent treatment? Remove it.
Fear? Remove it.
The best marital advice I ever received came straight from Scripture:
“Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
Unresolved fights are slow poison — they rot the relationship from the inside.
Communication grows when you are:
not rigid or close-minded
honest and upfront (letting your “yes” be yes, and not saying yes when it’s really a no)
tactful — learning the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable
4. One Times One = One
Your wife is not your opponent.
She’s not your competitor.
She is your partner.
It’s never You vs. Wife.
It’s always (You + Wife) vs. The World.
When she wins, you win.
Don’t get jealous when she levels up — gets fit, gets promoted, or thrives in her calling.
Be like Barnabas — the encourager — to your wife.
Great marriages don’t have two stars.
They have one team.
5. Live Biblically
You’ve heard, “A family that prays together stays together.”
But this is even better:
A family that values the Word and lives by the Word is Satan’s worst nightmare.
Deuteronomy gives the blueprint:
Let Scripture flow abundantly in your home —
when you sit, when you rise, when you walk… everywhere.
Let the Word shape how you speak, decide, lead, forgive, raise kids, and live.
Let the husband love his wife as Christ loved the church.
Let the wife submit to her husband as the church submits to Christ.
And let both yield their necks to His yoke — pulling together to accomplish God’s purposes.
If God gives you children, raise champions —
straight arrows to launch into the enemy’s territory (Psalm 127).
That’s purpose.
That’s calling.
That’s legacy.
6. Keep Working
Marriage is not easy — but don’t fall for the lie that the grass is greener somewhere else.
The grass is greener where you water it.
Never use the “D-word.”
Not in a joke.
Not in anger.
Not ever.
Marriage makes two people become one flesh — seamlessly one.
Divorce tears that apart… like trying to unscramble an egg.
So work on your marriage.
Be intentional.
Spend quality time.
Protect your marriage from busyness.
Some days giving up will look easier — but don’t.
Fight for it (except, of course, in cases of abuse or infidelity).
7. Protect Your Marriage
Let me be blunt:
The world hates biblical marriage.
It mocks it, twists it, and undermines it.
Do not let the world (or its ideas) seep into your marriage.
Protect your marriage daily.
Set guardrails:
No secret friendships.
No private DMs with the opposite sex.
Guard your purity — online and offline.
Protect your eyes, your mind, and your heart.
A God-fearing spouse is a gift.
Be that gift.
All done for this week! Thanks for reading and being part of The Equally Yoked community. We’ll see you next Friday with more advice, real stories, a spotlight on amazing singles, and a dash of humor. Until then, a little nugget to remember from Apostle Peter: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”
Talk soon,
The Equally Yoked Team
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