Megan Basham shared this gem from her 16-year-old on X: “I really want a Charlie. I guess that means I better make sure I’m an Erika.”

At first, that sounds right. If you want to attract a wonderful person, be one.

But here’s the catch — admiring the Charlies and Erikas of the world is fine, but trying to become them? That’s exhausting. Comparison always is.

I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:11. He called John the Baptist the greatest man ever born — and then added, “Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.”

In other words, you’re not measured against Charlie, Erika, or even John the Baptist.

The goal isn’t to become the perfect version of someone else. It’s to believe in Christ, secure your place in heaven, and embrace the one-of-a-kind person He purposed you to be.

It sounds like the setup for a Pureflix drama. She loves Christ - he doesn’t believe in Him. They’ve known each other for years, and the chemistry is undeniable, but now she’s stuck in a catch-22 - obey God or follow her heart.

Only, this isn’t fiction. It’s the real story of a young woman who shared her dilemma on Reddit:

She [29F] has known him [32M] for 15 years. He’s smart, kind, funny, and - oh yeah - an atheist. They were friends in college, lost touch, and reconnected after nearly a decade.

She’s four years into her walk with Christ, praying for a godly husband. But when they met again, the spark was instant….and let’s just say the boundaries didn’t exactly hold.

Now she can’t get him out of her head. She’s torn between what her heart craves and what Scripture clearly says in 2 Corinthians 6:14.

So she has asked the internet: “Where do I go from here?”

One thing about the Internet - you’ll never be short on opinions. But some of these were worth listening to:

1. The Voice of Experience: “Please don’t. You’ll be spiritually isolating yourself… disagreements will come, and little by little you’ll backslide until you find yourself far, far away from Christ.” — dangovy

2. Listen to God’s Word, not Your Emotions: “If you want to obey God & take the guidance of Scripture seriously, then communicate that to him. Don’t normalize this relationship - or justify it by equating it with your unbelieving family and friends.” — Broly

3. The Harsh Realist: “Run! I married a non-Christian and he changed my life. I’m now an ex-Christian.”

4. The Evangelist: “Share the Gospel. Let him choose or make the decision. If he rejects Christ, you reject him. Bitter pill, but that’s the deal.”

Strangers on the web aren’t always wise. But here, the chorus was consistent: don’t lean on chemistry - lean on Christ.

The Bible isn’t ambiguous about this in the slightest. In 2 Corinthians 6, Paul writes: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Now, a yoke isn’t some spiritual handcuff - it’s farming gear. Two oxen pulling one plow. If one pulls north and the other south, they’re not going to be making any progress - just carving circles in the dirt.

Same with marriage. You may start out madly in love, but nothing wears you out like trying to drag someone toward Jesus who has both heels dug in.

The woman who shared her story admitted: “I’ve dated Christian men for two years and felt no spark. But with him… it’s different.”

And yes, sparks are fun, powerful and intoxicating. But a tug-of-war between Christ and compromise always ends the same way: with regret.

Is it possible to love someone who doesn’t share your faith? Of course - it happens all the time. But the real question isn’t, “Can you date an atheist?” It’s - “Should you?”—- should you risk your walk with Christ—your eternity—for someone who loves you, but rejects your Savior?”

Here’s the takeaway: Share the Gospel, invite him to church, pray for his salvation, and offer resources like Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ or Greg Laurie’s evangelistic sermons. Let him wrestle with Christ and come to a decision: to accept or reject Him.

The Bible doesn’t say, “never love unbelievers.” We’re called to love them enough to point them to Christ. But in dating and marriage, the instruction is clear: yoke only with someone running toward heaven — just like you — not someone headed the opposite way!

Prefer listening? Here’s the 12-minute episode 👈

Ah, the classic "she loves me, she loves me not" spiral. We’ve all been there. But you don't have to guess — and you don’t need to be a psychic. Let’s cut the noise and focus on the only thing that matters: her actions.

Here’s how to tell the difference between someone genuinely interested but swamped, and someone giving you the slow fade.

Was she specific or vague?
👍🏼“Ugh, my project deadline just got moved up. I’m buried till Wednesday, So sorry!" (this has details - we believe her.)
🛑 "Can't make it. Something came up.” (this is the text equivalent of a shrug.)

Was she apologetic or pure transactional?
👍🏼"I'm so sorry! I was really looking forward to it 😔"
🛑 “gotta cancel. sry” (this feels like canceling a hobby class, not a date.)

Did she take the initiative to reschedule?
👍🏼She says, “I’m free Thursday though, can we try then?” (See that? She’s keeping the ball in play.)
🛑She cancels and vanishes. When you follow up, you get a vague "Idk, my schedule's a mess rn.”

Are your messages getting ignored?
👍🏼The texting energy is still there. She replies, sends memes, keeps up the usual banter.
🛑The conversation has flatlined, and you're the one performing CPR.

You’ve done your part — now put the ball in her court. Drop one final text:

“Hey no worries! Life gets crazy. Just let me know when you're free next 👌 “

It’s simple, clear, zero drama and makes the next move 100% hers.

And then, go radio silent: This is the most important part. No "good morning" texts, no lurking on her stories. Go live your life - hang out with your friends, focus on your hobbies. You need to actually forget about it.

If she’s interested: She will reach out. Maybe not today, but she will. Interested people will always find a way to show it.
If she’s not: You'll get silence. And that’s your answer—a clean, clear no. It’s a win, because it’s closure.

Either way, you’ll get what you need: a date with someone actually eager to be with you, or your freedom back to find one who is. Now, go do something more interesting than waiting for a text.:)

Prefer listening? Here’s a 11 minute audio 👈

All done for this week! Thanks for reading and being part of The Equally Yoked community. We’ll see you next Friday with more advice, real stories, a spotlight on amazing singles, and a dash of humor. Until then, a little nugget to remember: “Your future isn’t dependent on who notices you — it rests in the hands of the God who made you.”

Talk soon,
The Equally Yoked Team

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