Another post diving into real stories from Reddit — singles navigating love and relationships in a Biblical way.
Today’s story?
A Christian woman who’s been dating her boyfriend for four years — but he still won’t commit to a marriage timeline. Her question: “What do I do?”
Her story:
“I’m 28, he’s 27. We’ve been together for 4 years now. We love each other, but our biggest fight is always the same: marriage.
I want a clear timeline for engagement. He avoids the topic completely.
He says he does want to marry me — he’s told me that a few times in the last year — but it’s vague. No ring shopping, no talks about timelines, no plans for building a home. And when I bring it up? He tells me I’m asking too much and that I should just trust him.
Part of the issue is his past. His parents had a messy marriage, and it traumatized him. I get it — my dad was abusive, so I have scars too. But I still long for a godly marriage and family. I’m not afraid.
We’ve been in couples therapy on and off for 8 months. It’s helped us talk about engagement in theory, but he still squirms when it comes to concrete plans. Meanwhile, he’s very traditional at home — takes care of his parents financially, runs all their errands because they’re not self-sufficient. I admire his dedication… but I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever make room for me.
Most of our Christian friends are married with kids. Non-Christian friends? Engaged or living together. And us? Still dating like it’s year one.
I’m scared I’ll hit 30 and find out he was never sure all along… and then I’ll have to start over.”
Has anyone else been in this position? What would you do if you were me?”
TL;DR: Dating a Christian boyfriend 4 years. He says he wants marriage but won’t talk timelines, engagement, or real plans. Therapy hasn’t helped much. He’s devoted to family, but she worries he won’t make space for her. Scared of wasting years.
Reddit weighed in.
So, what did Redditors have to say? And yes - they were pretty direct.
1. He’s not serious. He’s wasting your time.
“Four years? That’s insane. You want marriage; he doesn’t. Don’t waste more time.”
“It’s time to go. You deserve someone who actually wants to marry you.”
2. Give an ultimatum. Value your time.
“Set a hard deadline: marry within 6–12 months or break up. Your time is precious — don’t give it away to indecision.”
“Waiting for the wrong guy steals precious years. You’ll never get those years back.”
3. Therapy isn’t enough.
“Couples therapy is good, but if 8 months hasn’t worked, involve trusted mentors — parents, pastor, or a wise couple — to get a firm answer.”
4. Are you giving wife privileges on a girlfriend salary?
“You want marriage; he’s happy where he is. Men have no incentive to marry when they already enjoy the perks without the vows.”
5. Comparisons to norms
“Most Christians talk marriage within the first year. Long engagements aren’t common. Personally, propose within 2 years max. Beyond that it signals mismatch.”
Here’s the takeaway:
This story hits deep because it’s not just about timelines — it’s about clarity, commitment, and values.
And Reddit didn’t mince words. The advice was almost unanimous: if he can’t even talk about marriage after 4 years, he may not be the one.
Two comments stood out most:
“Don’t waste another year waiting. You’ll never get that time back.”
“Are you giving wife privileges on a girlfriend salary?”
One points to the solution. The other? Cuts to the root of the problem
So, what do you think?
Is this past-trauma holding him back? Current family obligations weighing him down? Or is he just stringing her along?
Would you give him more time — or set a hard deadline and walk away?
That’s today’s Reddit Story. Thanks for reading — and if you’ve got thoughts, drop them in the comments.
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