A Network Engineer, a strong Christian from the Reformed persuasion - and the kind that attends seminars & conferences - listened as his friends suggested he might meet his future wife at one of these events.
His response was basically: Nope, not it
And here’s what he said, almost word for word:
“I don’t go to conferences to find someone to date and marry. I go because the speakers and the topic seems interesting to me. The idea of meeting my future wife there has literally never crossed my mind. I don’t do long distance. The chances of running across a single woman my age who’s theologically compatible with me are very low.”
Now. I did something after I read that.
I counted.
In that one paragraph, he referenced himself (I, me, my) 14 times.
God — zero.
Not once. Not even a “Lord willing” thrown in for good measure.
And this is a Reformed guy. From the theological tradition that will look you dead in the eye and tell you God is sovereign over every single detail of the universe.
Apparently not this one though.
I'm not here to roast this man. He's probably a good guy. His preferences aren't crazy. Long distance is hard. Theological compatibility matters. Wanting someone who actually lives near you. All reasonable.
But here's what got me. The rigidity.
Like the conversation was already over before it started. He’s already decided exactly how it’s going to be, with a level of confidence that would impress a five point Calvinist.
Not at a conference outside his city. Not with someone who doesn’t check the right boxes. Not anywhere outside the very specific parameters he has already set.
And he didn’t consult God once in that entire paragraph.
You know what he reminds me of? The guy in the parable of the talents. He had a whole explanation ready. He even knew a thing or two about the master. He was confident about his decision. It made sense to him.
And the master wasn't too pleased with him. Right?
Most of us believe in God’s sovereignty for the big things. Salvation. Life and death. Nations rising and falling.
But the moment it gets personal, when it touches our finances, our comfort zone, our love life, suddenly we're the ones running the operation.
Suddenly it's: I don't do long distance.
Suddenly it's: The odds are too low.
Suddenly it's: That's just not how I operate.
And God is just standing there like: did you even ask Me?
Ruth wasn’t looking for Boaz. She was looking for grain.
Rebekah wasn’t looking for Isaac. She was looking for water.
Adam didn’t even know what he was looking for.
They didn’t wax eloquent about the sovereignty of God. They just trusted the Lord and surrendered to His will in real, practical ways - like doing the next right thing in front of them. And God did the rest.
Nobody in Scripture ever found their person by building a laundry list of preferences and then waiting for God to shop within their budget.
So here's the question. Not a complicated one.
How many of our standards are Spirit-led and God-directed. And how many are just ours with a theological label slapped on them?
Knowing what we want is wisdom. And that’s from above. King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived said “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart - and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths”
And the most powerful prayer ever prayed was just six words: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Let that be ours. Even in this.
