A young man once asked, “There’s this girl I want to date... she’s not a Christian, but she’s open to learning about it. Is that a bad idea?” This is a common dilemma many young believers face in today’s increasingly secular world. At first glance, the question seems simple, but it’s fraught with serious spiritual implications.
The answers we receive are varied. Some respond with a firm "no," citing Bible’s clear warningsabout being "unequally yoked." Others dismiss this as outdated or even offensive, as if it implies Christianity is superior to other belief systems.
Then there are those who straddle the fence—Christians who have dated or married non-Christians, justifying their decision by redefining "equally yoked" as shared values like kindness, love, and honesty, regardless of religious belief. They argue that many non-believers exhibit more ‘godly’ qualities than some professing Christians.
But what does Scripture actually say? And more importantly, what are the consequences of dating or marrying an unbeliever?
What the Bible Says
The go-to Scripture on this issue is 2 Corinthians 6:14-16:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? Or what communion has light with darkness?” And what harmony has Christ with Belial or what part has he that believes with an infidel….
The term "yoked" refers to two animals, such as oxen, harnessed together to pull a plow in the same direction. In Deuteronomy, yoking a donkey with an ox was forbidden for a good reason. Imagine the chaos: two creatures with different strengths, strides, and temperaments trying to move as one. The result? Imbalance, friction, and an unfinished work.
In the same way, when a believer is yoked with a non-believer, the misalignment of faith and values creates a discord that makes it difficult to move forward in harmony. The Apostle Paul uses this vivid metaphor in 2 Corinthians, contrasting Christians and non-Christians as light versus darkness, Christ versus Belial (a term referring to Satan). The message is clear: aligning yourself intimately with a non-believer is not only unwise but a direct act of disobedience to God’s Word.
Yet, the Bible isn’t dismissive of non-believers or restricting our freedom in choosing a partner. Instead, it seeks to protect the believer’s walk with Christ. In 1 Corinthians 7:39, we are given the freedom to marry whomever we choose, but with one important condition: they must be “in the Lord.”
Missionary Dating: A Risky Gamble
“But what if I could lead him/her to Christ through dating?”
This is a common argument for "missionary dating"—dating a non-Christian with the hope of leading them to Christ. Like the story shared on Reddit about an "unbelieving criminal from Brooklyn" who dated a “fine young lady from Connecticut”— she led him to Christ, and now the’s the pastor of a large church.
But dating an unbeliever… is a spiritual roulette. For every success story, there are countless silent tales of people who compromised their faith and drifted away from God. One woman shared online how dating a non-Christian backfired: “Yes, I did marry a non-Christian, and he literally changed my life. I am now an ex-Christian.”
The Spiritual Tug-of-War
It often starts innocently: “It’s no big deal; we’re just dating.” But as emotions take over, judgment can become clouded, and the slippery slope of poor decisions can erode your walk with the Lord. Rather than leading your partner to faith, you might find yourself compromising in ways you once swore you wouldn’t. Just look at King Solomon—the wisest man who ever lived—who fell into idolatry because of his “unequally yoked” relationships.
But What About Love?
The most common rebuttal is, “But isn’t love the most important thing?”
Yes, love is crucial. But for a Christian, loving God must come first. You cannot walk in the light while binding yourself to someone in spiritual darkness. You cannot truly love Christ and simultaneously love someone who does not love your Savior. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 12:30: “Whoever is not with Me is against Me.”
So, can a Christian date a non-Christian?
The Bible’s answer is clear—it’s not a question of whether you “can,” but whether you “should.” If you’re a Christian considering dating a non-believer, ask yourself:
Am I knowingly putting myself in a situation where I will likely be torn away from Christ?
Am I willing to compromise my relationship with God?
In the end, partnering with someone who, like you, is running toward Christ will lead you both forward your walk with the Lord. That’s being equally yoked. On the other hand if you linking arms with a person running in the opposite direction risks being dragged away from God.
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