Dating today is not for the weak. The apps, the algorithms, the TikTok gurus - they all cater to hookup culture and casual dating.
If you’re trying to date with purpose instead of just for fun, if you’re trying to figure out whether the person you’re with is actually “the one” God has for you - you’re the outlier. The oddball.
Welcome to the 1%. The kind that refuses to marry in haste and regret at leisure.
The Equally Yoked Deck is written for you: the Christian who intends to build something real with Christ at the center. These seven questions will reveal more in one conversation than months of “getting to know each other” ever will.
They’re designed to go beyond butterflies and chemistry and expose the fault lines before they can cause an earthquake.
Here’s what you’re going to do:
Grab a coffee, sit down with your date (or hop on zoom or FaceTime if that’s your thing), and commit to thirty minutes with no distractions.
Answer each question individually first, then discuss together. Be honest - brutally, uncomfortably honest. Listen well.
And invite God into the conversation, because if your relationship can’t handle His truth now, it won’t survive real life later.
1. The Triangle
“What does your daily walk with God look like?”
Prompt: Ecclesiastes 4:12 talks about a “cord of three strands” that isn’t easily broken. Proverbs 31:30 tells charm and beauty are deceptive and fleeting, the fear of the Lord is to be praised.
How do we keep Christ at the center of our individual lives - especially when we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or doubting?
Talk specifics: Do you prioritize God? What does your daily relationship with God look like? Morning prayer? Bible reading? Worship music? Podcasts?
A couple committed to moving closer to Christ will survive storms that sink couples who are merely compatible.
2. The Why
“What made you realize I’m the one for you?”
Prompt: 2 Corinthians 6:14 - Light and darkness don't mix. Righteousness and unrighteousness don't mix. Believer and unbeliever cannot be yoked together either.
Share the specific moment that convinced you that I am the one. Nothing beats hearing why your partner chose you.
Not the surface-level attraction, but what I saw in your character. Maybe it was how you as a believer handled a crisis, the way you serve others, or how you responded when your faith was tested.
You need to hear this from each other. Because when marriage gets hard—and it will- you’ll need to remember why you chose this person of all the people in the world.
3. The Role
“Is the man a servant leader or a boss?”
Prompt: Read Ephesians 5:21-33 and Galatians 3:28. Talk about partnership, submitting, and loving like Christ. What does that look like in practice for us?
This is where theology meets reality. Get specific. Talk through real scenarios - not hypotheticals. What does mutual respect look like when you’re deciding where to live, whose career takes priority, or how to handle finances? Is he a boss who demands submission, or a servant-leader like Christ?
4. The Mammon
“Are you chasing after God or money?
Prompt: Matthew 6:24 is blunt - you can’t serve both God and money. So, who are you actually serving?
Get specific: What’s your philosophy on debt? Is tithing non-negotiable? Are bank accounts separate because you want control over what you earn, or joint because you’re one team?
Money is the #1 marriage wrecker not because people are greedy, but because they let it become their master. Plenty of tight-fisted people call themselves “good stewards.”
5. The Conflict
“When we fight, is the goal to win or to solve?”
Prompt: Ephesians 4:26 commands us not to let the sun go down on our anger.
You need to know each other’s fighting style: Do you shut down and ice them out? Do you escalate and aim to wound? Establish the rules of engagement now: no name-calling, no leaving the house, no weaponizing past mistakes.
Every couple fights. But healthy couples fight clean. Unresolved conflict and hurt kill a marriage - one cut at a time.
6. The Project
“What are you secretly hoping will change after marriage?”
Prompt: Name the thing - the habit, the quirk, the personality trait - that annoys you, that you’re secretly hoping will change. Jeremiah 13:23 says just as an Ethiopian cannot change his skin or a leopard its spots, there are things we cannot, will not change.
This is an uncomfortable question, but a necessary one. Don’t get defensive. Don’t justify. Just listen. Then name those minor annoyances from your side — is it a partner’s avoidance of conflict? Lack of ambition? Relationship with their mother? Need for control? Spending habits?
Watch for these “biggies”: secrecy, manipulativeness, porn, etc
Here’s the truth: don’t marry a project, hoping you can fix them later. Don’t be a fixer upper.
7. The “D” Word
“Would you bail out or stick it out when life gets tough?”
Prompt: 1 Corinthians 13 says love is patient and keeps no record of wrongs.
Life throws curveballs - illness, job loss, a coworker who understands you better than your spouse. These aren’t hypotheticals; they’re the marriage-killers nobody warns you about. How do we weather life’s storms without getting drowned?
Where do you stand on divorce — not theologically, but practically? Are there circumstances where you’d consider it?
Why This Deck Matters
Dating reveals compatibility. These seven questions reveal readiness.
This diagnostic deck checks the structural integrity of your relationship, finding the hidden cracks in the foundation before it’s too late. One couple discovered their clashing money philosophies and averted disaster. Another, confronting their toxic conflict patterns, chose to follow Paul’s advice in Ephesians 4 before making their vows.
So, here are your next steps: set aside a date and handle these questions with ruthless honesty.
Because the goal isn’t merely to find a person to marry - it’s to build a marriage that endures when real life shows up.
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